What it Means to Impose

If you’ve ever worried about imposing on people while marketing…this one is for you.

Recently an artist was talking about sending out emails more frequently over the holiday season and felt like she needed to issue a warning ahead of time to her people because she was worried about imposing on them.

This wasn't the first time the topic of imposing has come up in the group, so I thought I would do a little exploring.

Let’s start with the definition...

im·pose:

 Force to be accepted or put in place.

 Take advantage of someone by demanding their attention or commitment.

 To be an inconvenience.

Naturally, the first thing that popped into my mind was Cousin Eddie from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

He showed up unannounced at his cousin Clark's house for Christmas in a large RV, with his wife, and two children. and his squirrel-chasing, garbage-eating dog, Snots, with the expectation of staying not just for Christmas, but through the next month.

Ellen, upon learning of their plans, goes on to say in an exasperated tone, “We have plenty of room. Plenty of towels. Plenty of everything.”

You get the sense that she feels inconvenienced and put in a position in which she can’t say no.

I started thinking about what would make someone take the action of imposing.

As the story unfolds we learn that Eddie’s imposition wasn’t because he was a bad guy with no manners…it was because he lost his home, was living out of his RV, and deeply desired to give his family a good Christmas.

Imposition comes from desperation and a desire to fix something.

It happens when the need to feel better overpowers the needs of others.

And it’s because he loves his family that he wants to give him a good Christmas…so we can all relate to him deeply…and love him for it.

We artists can be imposing when we really, really need something, and we really, really need someone else to do something for us to have it.

We really want our family to be proud of us.

We really want to make money so we don’t have to go back to the full time job.

We really want to prove to ourself that we can do this.

This might look like…

Someone comments “I love this” on a post and then we reach out to them several times about buying it even though they didn't give us any indication they were interested.

Adding people to your email list without them asking.

Chasing someone down at a show to sell without consent after they expressed interest in a piece but didn't buy.

What’s actually happening in our heads when we do those things…

I need to feel validated, and I need you to validate me so I am going to do whatever I can to get that validation.

I need to pay my rent so I can keep making my art, and I need you to give me money so I can do that, so I am going to do whatever I can to get that money in the bank.

I need to make this show worth it so I don’t have to feel disappointment, and I need you to help me do that by buying something from me.

The energy that this comes from is desperate, needy, and graspy.

It happens when we are way more focused on what we need versus what they need.

So here are a few ways to check in to see if you are imposing when you are marketing and selling your art...

Were you invited?

If they signed up for your email, then they invited you to send them emails. If they follow you on social media, they invited you onto their feed. If they gave you their address, they invited you to mail them things. If they told you they wanted it, then they want you to help them have it.   If you were invited, you are not imposing.

Do you need something from them (validation, money, approval, acceptance. etc.)? If so, what and why?

Before you send the emails or write the posts or pick up the phone, what are you trying to do? Are you trying to get the sale, or salvage the show, or feel better about yourself….or are you trying to help them have what they’ve told you they want?

How are you feeling?

Are you feeling needy or graspy or urgent or desperate? If so, it’s probably a sign that you are looking to them to make you feel better…but that’s not their job, that’s your job.

If you do find that your actions are imposing…it’s ok. Just like Cousin Eddie, the intention behind it makes total sense and probably comes from a really good place. It’s just not going to be an effective business tool.

Take a deep breath and remind yourself what makes you unique, and your work unique, and why people are drawn to you. Once you create sufficiency for yourself…you will no longer need your collectors to do anything, and the imposition goes away.

In my experience working with artists, they spend way more time worryingabout being imposing than actually being imposing.

And worrying about being imposing usually leads to them not showing up.

Not emailing the people that asked to be emailed, not posting, not following up, not booking shows, not making art.

It’s like being invited to the party and not showing up because you didn’t want to trouble the host. You forget that they invited you because they like you, and want to spend time with you, and want to hear what you have to say.

Let’s not be the artist who ghosts the collectors who have raised their hands and told us they want our words and our work for fear that we’ll be bothering them.

I’d argue that the real imposition is when collectors take the time to tell us that they want to hear from us and us not delivering the value we are capable of delivering because we are afraid of what people might think.

When you drop expectations and detach from needing anything from your people, and show up from a place of service to your collectors, you simply can’t be imposing.

You don’t need anything from them.

They want what you offer.

Your art is valuable.

What you have to say is important.

Hearing from you will make their day.